For What is happiness but dreams, though they don't all come true...

Tonight I made an attempt at recreating the Toll House Cookies my Memere made for years and years, and was well known for. The result was...less than enthusiastic - though I think the eggs are to blame.

Those of you who know me personally will know the story of my Memere, as I tell it frequently to anyone who will listen...for those who don't know, here goes.

I was blessed to come into this world at a point in time where five generations of my family were alive and well. My mother gave birth to me at the tender age of 19. Her mother was not even 45, and her grandparents were all alive, save one, and well in their 60's. Even my great-great grandmother, fondly called "Big Nana" was alive and doing exceptionally well in her early 90's. We were, and still are, a big family of Italians and French Canadians. I am proud to know and carry the history of my family, and I am proud to share it as often as I can.

Seeing as how my mother and father were both young when they had me, there was need for them to work. There was no shortage of babysitters, though, so I was always in good hands. While much of my early childhood has fallen to sands of time, I have been able to retain much of my time with my grandfather's mother. Her name was Lucille Imelda Landry. Her sisters, and friends called her Lilly. Her grandchildren and her two great-children called her Memere which is the traditional French for grandmother. My sister, Jenn, who is a year younger than I, does not have the same recollection of her that I do. However, I can still remember driving in her car, and old Goldish/Bronze Chevy and singing Mr. Rogers' theme song with the knob of her gear-shifter in my hand as microphone. I can remember sleeping over her house on Shaw Street in South Lawrence. I can remember her making me mashed potatoes in her kitchen, and stirring the bubbles out of orange soda for me...I remember so much about her and I've held on to those memories for dear life, since they are the only thing I have left of hers. Well that and an old cookie jar in the shape of a giant cupcake, but the memories are extremely precious.

My Memere went home to God in late September of 1987. It was her time, and her death came swiftly without pain, which was as she wanted it to be. To those of you who have lost loved ones, you'll understand that even though the pain of loss grows less sharp, time never manages to take it away completely. For myself the pain has stayed very much with me. Particularly now as an adult at Christmas time. What I would give to have made cookies with her today. Since I am not thrilled with how they came out, I am betting she would have been able to counsel me better.

However, the cookies will have to suffice for the cookie swap at work tomorrow. I will attempt them again later in the week. I think the problem is that I was using 2 jumbo farm eggs where the recipe calls for just 2 large. I think perhaps they added too much moisture and cause the cookies to be runnier. I did everything to the ink of the recipe. I also made every effort not to over-beat the batter. What's more, I used a mix of dark and light brown sugar, which is the secret to how Memere made them; at least according to my mother, and she had the benefit of 20 years of cookies that I need to catch up on!

More to come of the Christmas season's cooking...stay tuned!